Mes amis
“I’m not what I think I am; I’m not what you think of me; I’m what I think you think of me.”
Today I was discussing this idea with one of my co-workers who’s finishing up a degree in psychology. It made me think of the dynamics between my circle of friends and how we make each other feel. I need people around me that make me grow, that allow me the privilege to do the same for them.
Five things I expect of myself and my friends.
1. Trust. NO flakes. Flake on me and you get cut. This goes both ways, I’ll respect my friends and know that they expect me to always stay behind my word. If I can’t go through with what I say I’ll do I let them know pronto. Trust is everything for me, I don’t waste time building relationships with people who aren’t grown up enough to stay behind their word.
2. Honesty. Be real with me even sometimes when its not the easiest thing to do. I take my friends opinions seriously, I need other points of view to improve and want candid advice. If acted like an ass, I expect to be told if I didn’t realize it myself.
3. Positivity. We all need compliments. NOT flattery; we all need to hear what is honestly good about us, what makes us look good, what makes us special and where our talents lie so that we have the confidence to become great.
4. Confidence to laugh at oneself. Being too serious or trying too hard is about as attractive as a mysterious stain that shows up at a black light dance party. We’re all fuck-ups in one way or another, scared that some stranger will see right through us. Shoot, they’ll make us realize we’re really not as special as we trick ourselves into thinking; they’ll figure us out and we’ll deflate. So lets raise our glasses and laugh about ourselves and break down those walls. Thats how real people bond. To steal a line from Almost Famous..
“the only real currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we’re uncool.”
5. Lastly, DON’T spread yourself thin. If you want to get to know someone spend time on them instead of trying to impress everyone else. I won’t even comment on what I think of coming over to visit someone and they spend their time clacking away on their cell phone or laptop right in front of me. They try to build a digital relationship instead of enjoying tête-à-tête with a beating heart right in front of them.
Last thoughts on friendship
- rantwarning – I’m scared that the new generation of kids will rather text others when in company of their friends, using tech that allows them to wait between responses instead of growing face to face wit and real communication. Awkward silence? Bust out your cell and look busy (Instead of learning to be OK with silent moments in conversation and getting the ball passing). I’ve noticed that with some I have more open conversations over text and internet then while being with them. Why is this? I don’t like this trend. Alas, I digress.
I have just under 400 friends on my facebook, yet do I really care about all these people? Robin Dunbar’s Theory of 150 explains this:
When anyone tries to keep an relationship of any sorts with more than around 150 people the relationships become thin and fake that they are near pointless. There just isn’t enough time to spread amidst this many people. This is the reason why many tribes and companies split when they hit 150. To stay under the number means that there are real relationships and peer pressure keeps everyone working the hardest and caring about each other.
Out of those hundreds of contacts on facebook how many of the people do I really keep in touch with? About 25 I would guess. So after I graduate college this year most of my contacts will be erased, most of those girls. Down the line when I’m a married man almost all my female contacts will be removed. Why keep contact with girls I used to flirt with? To make my wife jealous or to send the wrong message to others? Forget that, like old photos with past flames, they’re gone.
I’m blessed to have under a dozen solid friends that keep me moving forward and allow me to develop into the type of person that has enough valuable skills to give to others. Some friends have come for a season, some for a year and a few special ones for a lifetime.
They’re my private gold.
Comments
you made some really good points here, but what’s better is that i know you live by all of them. i respect you even more after reading some of these blogs. you really are going to make something out of yourself and make a “dent” in this world as you say you are. kudos.
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