My Philosophy…
Here it is–> I’m a libertarian, green-loving, hungry to live, spiritually confused (aren’t we all?), kid who wants to live a life unafraid of making mistakes as long as I live following my heart and give ‘er what I got.
Isn’t that what we all kinda wish to be… important in our own little world while tricking ourselves into thinking we are a bigger deal than the actual fact?
That sentence is just words, let’s break it down.
FACT: this blog won’t make any real dent in anything. But a few of you, mes amis, that I decided inform about this small site, might read something that resonates in your head. Maybe you’ll think, wow this kid is one confused sucker. Ah jokes.
So I’m not going Albert Camus-The Stranger all over you, that was too dark, a bad experience in a four hour visit to a mid-town Barnes and Nobles and I’m not that. I’m going PB and J most of the way cause I’m a simple man and choose to laugh a little too much.
Alas.
I sit and scratch my head. I’m 25, finishing a bachelors in a major I love, have job options, friends that I care about and a general feeling that I should have it all figured out.. at least to the large extent. I don’t.
I’m fine with that. Here’s what’s sweet. I don’t want all the answers any more, I think part of my voyage is all about becoming comfortable with not having the answers. I’m learning to stop my anxiety.
Don’t worry, no coming-of-age existentialism to make you uncomfortable like the red sunburn painting my uncovered shoulders this July 5th. This is a declaration of my hope:
So I’m finding myself, four years after I thought I found myself. Getting a grasp started during a two-year-stint finding myself in the Czech Republic while trying to help others find their way. I was 21 and thought I knew something, even myself. Oops, now mid twenties, humbled and in living in America, I’m hanging out with my old friend, Miss Uncertainty.
I thought she was a bitch, but I’m coming to see her more as the stubborn honest woman I crave to one day marry. I think I’ll rename her Miss Improvement.
Brought up in a great christian religion I’ve followed most of the rituals and cultures. For the last year I’ve had the courage to admit to myself that I need to step away and find my own path. It’s going to be far harder than just going with it. If I don’t take this route I feel I will wake up in my forties and suddenly CRACK! All my doubts, unexplored dreams, and living a life unexamined will cause me to tweak out and it won’t be good to anyone around me or myself.
I guess I’m at the point were I’m still fighting it all out in my head and it feels healthy to do so. In ten years I don’t want to be fighting it so hard; now is the time to punch it all out. I’ll pass on the mid-life crisis by taking a good spanking from some self evaluation at this point in my life.
Thank-you fate.
